August 30, 2005
Here I go again...

Thought this was kind of fun, it shows the states that i have visited. Some of them i only drove through on my way from California to Minnesota. I only went to FL when i flew there and boarded a cruise ship to the Carribean. I'll be making the trek back to California soon. Yes, i've decided. I'm moving back home. I haven't told my work yet or some people, but my secret is safe with you! My parents and brother are thrilled. Someday i'm going to take a vacation and visit the states i've never been too. Well, maybe i'll have to wait until i retire and then make a long trip of it.

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

So I have a lot to do, too much to even think of right now. But it'll get done. This is going to be an adventure. Again.

Poor people in LA, MI, AL....Katrina was very bad. Prayers to all affected. I've been worried about my pastor friend Charlie, he is in Mississippi, kind of the middle of the state. I haven't heard from him in over a month, so i just pray he and family are fine.

August 28, 2005
Please go see Rhoni

I had the wrong link in the previous post for Rhoni and her adorable Yorkies so please go to her link again below or here.

I tried to post a long post earlier but my computer at home is driving me absolutely crazy. It will just shut down, always at the most inopportune time, so i'm going to hurry and post this and i'll have to try again tomorrow at work, with a computer that is more reliable.

August 27, 2005
Bricks from the Ashes

I have to share this link to a very special song called Bricks from the Ashes. It's really a touching song and the writer has an interesting story about how the song came to be. If you know someone going thru a breakup or dealing with domestic violence, check out this beautiful song. As an advocate for Battered Women, it means a lot to me and I'm going to share it with my Tuesday group of ladies. I have to send a big thank you to Rhoni for sharing it. If you like dogs, check out her website. She raises Yorkshire Terriers and they are the cutest things. Someday....

I think i'm going to check out a new LYS today after work. I need to buy yarn like I need a hole in the head, but the yarn is calling me.....

I now have 362 feeds on bloglines and i've visited almost every blog, how is a girl to keep up? But i love seeing all the new blogs. Inspires me.

So, the guy i was suppose to meet for a drink Thursday after work....whom i told i wasn't cancelling my appointment? Well now he says, i'd like to meet you Sat. but oh wait, i have to be home to watch the NASCAR race in Bristol b/c i was suppose to be there for it, and can't be so i can't miss it on TV... and then he says....You are welcome to come over but i realize you might not be comfortable with that. I'm like, "Well, you do have your priorities" which he replies weakly, "I'm sorry....." what a jerk. That's it, we've been trying to meet for over a year, and again recently for over a month. It's way too much effort just to meet him. He's not worth it anyway. Will I ever find a decent man?

The State Fair is going on and i love the fair but do not think i'll be going this year. Last year i could not consider it because of my back, i could barely walk a year ago. This year, it's just too much money and i don't know who i'd want to go with and there is too much tempting food. But i'll miss going to see the chickens and sheep horses and cows. That was my favorite part, the animals.

August 25, 2005
I couldn't resist...

You Are 10% Weird

You're totally, completely normal.
And that's pretty darn weird!

Sad news

Gosh, I sometimes feel like Debbie Downer, but my cousin in CA emailed me and my cousin Sally's ex-husband committed suicide last week. She was just remarried in June but i'm sure this still was devastating news. It's shocking to hear too. I knew him, it's been years since i've seen him, but i still feel awful for him and his family, he has grown kids too. He was always a little different, kind of anti-social but i guess we didn't know the pain he was in. It makes you think too, how could it get that bad? I guess since i've recently been dealing with a depression i understand the feeling of hopelessness, but i thankfully didn't get that discouraged with life. So if you believe in prayer, say a prayer for Dale and family.

I need to knit, i'm reading all these blogs and i see all these projects. I have many UFO's....but i don't feel like finishing them, i need something new. Relate? I saw this pattern for a cotton sweater called Chickami which is really pretty and i could make it in the Cotton Ease i still have, but i'm too big chested and think i'd wear it under a jacket or a cardigan.

Was suppose to meet Rick tonight for a drink. But i forgot about my energy healer/massage appointment and i AM NOT cancelling again for some MAN..... I did that with Miguel and it wasn't worth it. I spoke to Rick this a.m. and said i could meet him later or another day, he starts telling me how he'd have to hang around for hours or go home and come back this way.....WAAH WAAH WAAH...he doesn't know that i just don't care. Either you want to meet or you don't. I have a bad (maybe good) attitude and couldn't care less either way.

August 24, 2005
Here's my Spirit...

The date with Miguel went fine, after I sat waiting for him for over 30 minutes and he was in the bar the whole time...We said 7:30 to 8:00 and I was on time, so he didn't come looking for me. I looked in the bar, but he was behind a pillar and it was just a sea of faces. I finally called his cell and we finally met up. He took me to a really nice steakhouse by my house and we had a fabulous dinner. I really enjoyed my dirty martini (!), and then we each had a different red wine flight with dinner. It was fun and we had no lack of conversation. I even indulged and had creme brulee for dessert! It was yum! I was most impressed when he called me that evening to make sure I made it home okay and to tell me that he had a nice time and he was happy to meet me. Thought that was really nice. He continued to call and we chatted online, but I have not heard anything from him for over a week...c'est la vie. There was something about him afterward that made me wonder if I should see him again, my gut was saying no, be careful, so i'm not hurt by him not calling. I have too much going on right now anyway and men are the last thing I want to think about.

I'm looking for a place to live, have to be out of my farmhouse by end of September, have no idea where I'm going yet. Looked at a house to share with a guy and his 21 yo son, not sure I want to live there although it could work and Simba was fine there and they were fine with her. That's my main concern is finding a place that's good for me and my child with fur. She's 13 now, going deaf, getting cataracts and slowing down, but it's harder to find a place with her. I'm hopefully going to look at another place tonight, farther from work, more toward the city, but suppose to be nice. I'm praying and knowing that the Lord will lead me where I need to be.

We had support group last night and had a full house, 6 women came and we had a lively discussion. There are 4 in particular going thru a divorce, and they have a lot of the same issues. There is one girl there whom I admire so much. She was having a bad week and was in tears last night. I may have mentioned her before. Her husband is the type of man who has bragged to friends and family that he "broke her Spirit". What a creep. But she is like a butterfly and kind of in the icky, ugly cocoon stage right now because she has so much going on with the divorce and court dates, and the adjustment for 2 small boys, so it's not easy, but I can see that soon, very soon, she'll be like a newly hatched butterfly, beautiful and splendid and ready to take on the world. She said she wants to make a t-shirt that says "Here's my Spirit", just for him and I think it is so classic and think she should. She is getting her spirit back and how dare any man want to take that away from a woman.

I received a really wonderful RAOK in the mail from Tori. She sent this really cute card and some really cute beaded stitch markers. I'm sorry but I don't have a pic of them yet. It was my first RAOK in the mail and it was SO MUCH FUN! Monday I received a RAOK from Cheryl too! (What a lucky girl I am!) She sent these adorable knitting notecards! Check out their blogs, they are both very involved and talented knitters.

No knitting news for me unfortunately. I was really sick last week, out of work for 2 days and so I knit a couple mini sweater ornaments that I'm going to RAOK people with. It gave me something to do and I love to make them. They are small enough for a barbie doll. I made one in the round from the top down. It was a little challenging, not sure I could do it full-size, but miniature was a lot of fun.

Oh, geez, I'm suppose to post a pic of my baby Simba to be on the puppy ring and I can't find the pic....I'm so scattered. I'll just have to take another pic of her and post it. Oh wait, I can post an old pic of the two of us..let's see...oh I can't find it

August 10, 2005
I have a date!

I have a date tonight! And I'm so happy about meeting him that i'm trying not to jynx myself. Like I shouldn't be so happy. But i am, i'm hopeful and optimistic and a tad anxious about it. I have to go home and de-hair, curl and primp. Regardless of how the evening goes I'm looking forward to meeting someone and i'm also longingly anticipating my Grey Goose Dirty Martini! I'm not going to say anymore, we'll see how it goes. Send good thoughts and/or prayers. I could stand to meet someone really wonderful. It's about time I think.

August 4, 2005
For the love of Tea

If you are a tea lover you have to read this poem. I was given a gift certificate when I became a RAOKer and everyone loves this company and says how good their tea is. Guess I'll have to get some for myself someday. I used my gift certificate for my dear sweet mother and her package is scheduled to arrive by tomorrow. I hope she'll like it. I got her an assortment of green teas loose and this cool tea brewer they have. Check it out. I'm not trying to sound like a commercial for them, but impressed with them so far. My mother has a "Tea Room" at her house. It use to be my old bedroom. It's kind of her sanctuary. She had it carpeted in a pretty green and the color scheme is burgundy and green with cherry wood furniture and this flowery wallpaper with a white background and a matching border. It really is a nice and relaxing room. When I was still at home I have done a Mother's Day Tea for her and my dad and brother and we would sit in there and use all her pretty china and teapots and different tea sets. I'd make finger sandwiches and tiny desserts and would go get Devonshire cream and make homemade scones with currants. Oh geez, I'm getting hungry. Mom and I liked to try different places around L.A. for afternoon tea. We once had tea at the Beverly Hills Hotel and wow, was that fancy. It had many courses, starting with bubbly Champagne. Very elegant and really nice. But you can go to a place that isn't quite so fancy and still get a great tea service. Another one that I loved and is very authentic is called The Rose Tree Cottage in Pasadena, CA. They are from Britain, very cultured, very nice. They make their own scones and they are yummy! I highly recommend the Rose Tree blend of tea.

You know you are a geek when you see how many subscriptions to your blog you have on bloglines and that makes you happy! :) How goofy is that? But I happened to notice yesterday that I had 3 subscriptions and one of them is mine, and today I have 32! Wow.

I heard from my friend, they got into town around 7:00, couldn't find a hotel easily so decided to go eat. I went down to join them and I had a glass of wine. I last saw her at Christmas but I had not seen her hubby since my wedding day. Really nice guy. And I had never met her 3 kids who are 10, 7 and 5. Cutey patooties and the little one is just hilarious! He's very very intelligent and it's just comical, some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth. It was really, really hot and humid last night so they got to experience our Minnesota summer weather, complete with a storm last night. I told them what county we are in b/c of the storm warnings they annoyingly scroll on tv and they were not happy to know they were in tornado land. They found a cool water park to stay at the rest of the time and the kids are happy. I'm going up there tomorrow after work, we may go to the bar for happy hour and karaoke night. I'm in the mood to party with her. It's been a long time. Saturday I'm meeting them at the Mall of America and then Eric, a guy I've been dating, is hopefully going to meet us for dinner if he can get away from his golf lessons. He teaches golf and sometimes he day is unpredictable but hopefully he'll join us.

Went to my energy healer yesterday and again, I loved it! She is so worth it. I really think it's helping and going to help me get relief from my depression. I really do feel better already. But I still have very anxious times too, so I have to keep working on it. We talked a lot about my anxiety about my house in particular. My house looks like I've been feeling. It's a mess. And it's so overwhelming sometimes that I don't know what to do. She gave me this great book and I'm enjoying it so far. It's called Sacred Space by Denise Linn. I also have to apply my Flylady principles. I can do anything for 15 minutes.... You are never behind...

August 3, 2005
Love is a Verb

That's my favorite saying, "Love is a Verb", i found this quote a long time ago and i've always loved it. I use that as my title on some online dating sights. I usually get from time to time some idiot who responds with stupid comments like, "How is love a verb?" or "Love is a noun?" and that is the point you yokels. If Love does not imply any action on your part, then it isn't Love in my estimation. I mentioned that to my group last night and the girls totally got it. We talked a lot about change, all of them are having to deal with many changes, a couple of them going thru a divorce, dealing with custody issues, learning to be single, learning how to not be a victim but a survivor and sometimes those changes although positive and good for them, it's hard to feel comfortable with them. I so admire these women, even the ones who are still with their abuser, because they come to the meeting with hope and want to learn how to go on from this experience. It takes a lot of courage. We did a little exercise, and you can try this. Take your hands and clasp them with your fingers intertwined as you normally would. Now look down and is your right or your left thumb on top? The lefties are the sexy people and the righties are the smart people. Or so they say! :) (I'm a lefty!) Now, unclasp your hands and shake them out and now try to clasp them with the opposite thumb on top. You can do it, right? But doesn't it feel weird? That's how change is sometimes, you can change, but it feels weird or unfamiliar. But if you were to consciously make yourself clasp your hands differently, with the other thumb on top, after a while, it'd start to feel normal and right.

Have to try and improve my cholesterol, my levels are ok overall but there are some numbers that i have to work on. My overall cholesterol is 212, it should be below 200, my bad cholesterol is a little high, can't remember the number right now but my overall ratio is 3.4 and below 5.0 is good. So that's a little confusing. Going to talk to my LAWL counselor and see what they can suggest. I think it's telling me to eat more fresh fruits and veggies and really watch the meat and dairy. I'm only worried about the dairy with cheese. I LOVE cheese. I'm not a big egg eater either.

Here is a pic of the vest i started in Popsical Blue color from Lions Brand Cotton Ease. I love the autumn color in the pic and it makes me realize that summer is almost over. Do you think the turquoise blue will be a good color with jeans or can you envision it with black dress pants for work? I'm not sure, i guess i should finish it first. But i sure wish Lions Brand was still stocking the Cotton Ease and in some muted and fall colors. All i've seen are bright and vibrant colors. It's a lot of fun to knit so far.

I found this on another blog and wanted to pass it on. A knitting blogger lost her brother in a tragic car accident and there is a group that is knitting 8" squares and sending it to the owner of this blog and she's going to put them together and give the first one to the wife of John Glick and donate any other afghans to a children's charity in his memory. If you are interested in donating a square(s) please go visit her blog.

Special (((((((hug))))))) for Stacie who's going thru a rough time right now. I am praying for you sweets!

August 2, 2005
Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. - Grandma Moses

How did Grandma Moses get so smart? Born in 1860 and living to be 100 years old. She didn't take up painting until she was in her 70's. If I think of that now, i'd have to wait 30 years to take up a new hobby/craft, but when she began in her 70's she had almost 30 years of painting left in her body. Isn't that amazing? We know her as Grandma Moses but her full name was Anna Mary Robertson Moses. Here's a link here more info on her work and her life. I think she's fascinating. I have a little calendar and the title of today's posting is a quote from her. It was just what i needed today. It made me think about my Grandma. She's been gone a good long while, and i don't think of her all that often, but thinking of her now, gosh i miss her. We were really pretty close but a lot of that had to do with the fact that we lived with her. She bought a house in CA brand new as a newly remarried lady after my grandfather whom i never knew passed away some years earlier. She was very proud of her house in the hills which use to be a bird-of-paradise grove. Then when my parents married, they moved in with her and bought the house from her when i was a baby, so i always had Grandma in my life. We slept in the same room and sometimes i would get so frustrated at her. She'd make me eat oatmeal every morning, and i said i hated it, but she didn't care, it was good for me, so eat it. She was very good to me but Grandma could be brash and judgmental toward others. She relished giving my mother a bad time about stupid little petty things but my mother still talks about it. Such as she told my mom that the only reason she was breast-feeding me, i was the first child, was to make her boobs bigger. No basis, not the truth, but after listening to it for i don't know how long, she gave up and put me on formula. And then Mom says I broke out into a scabby rash all over my body because i was allergic to it and she was really angry with Grandma. Mom had to try all these different formulas and finally found that soy was good for me. My Grandma Rick, that's what we called her, she baptized one of my cousins!! She was of the belief that if you weren't baptized almost immediately after birth, that if something happened to the child, she'd be a lost soul. Well regardless of what you believe, can you imagine my Aunt's horror when she heard about how her baby daughter was dunked under the running water, screaming like bloody murder, while our dear Grandma dunked her in the bathroom sink and blessed her?! It was like, well, here you go, now she's baptized... Poor Sally! A few of the things i miss about her are doing the rosary at night while going to bed, she'd do the first part of the Hail Mary, I'd do the last. I miss how she'd pick the crust off the garlic bread and give me the soft gooey inside and she'd eat the crust. I miss how she'd drink beer with her sisters, playing cards, and they'd start cussing at eachother. Oh, they were fun! My Grandma's nickname was Pet, her one sisters name was Skeeze, another nicknamed Noogie and then they had a sister named Claire. We asked, why didn't Claire have a nickname? They said, "Oh, nobody liked her." Heehee Gosh, it's good to think of Grandma Rick...

I'm majorly stressed right now, I have so much to get done before my childhood girlfriend and her husband and 3 kids come for a visit. They are from California and are on a month long vacation, traveling in their van across the country. They went to Arizona and spent a week in South Dakota and that's all i know so far. I should be home tonight cleaning and organizing, i was going to not go to my weekly support group but the other co-facilitator can't make it because of car trouble so i told them i'd go. I'm also trying to get rid of a bad headache. Not quite a migraine, but pretty darn close.

Going to my counselor/energy healer tomorrow and i can't wait. Last week i was in paradise. She did body work on me which included laying on her massage table, fully clothed, without shoes, with a warm blanket over me. I felt like i was in a cocoon. Then she did massage on my neck and shoulders and also used warm stones and massaged me with them on my arms, she worked all over, down to my feet. And then i turned over and she worked primarily on my back and shoulders. She said i had a lot of anxiety in my throat. I tell you i wonder if i drooled while on my tummy and my head in that donut thing. It was so relaxing. And when i got up i felt like a jelly fish and all the stress was gone. So tomorrow i go again, yeah!!

I started another project...I'm working on a vest...oh dang, i can't find a link to the issue to show you. (I'm learning how to link things) I'll keep trying. But i'm making it in the turquoise color Lions Brand Cotton Ease. The color is actually called Popsical Blue and it had vertical ribs and on the left front is a kind of leaf pattern going up. It's fun to knit and gosh i just love that yarn. My Joann's doesn't have any left so i need to find some more.

I think the RAOKrs are just really special, sweet ladies. I assume they are all ladies, haven't run into any men yet. I've received really nice, cute e-cards, and a gift certificate for Adagio Teas which i already used and had a gift set sent to my dear sweet Momma. And today i entered a contest on a blog to guess what a crocheted item is going to be and even though i didn't guess correctly, she's sending me a set of stitch markers anyway!!! How cool is that! Tori is the coolest and let me go see if i can find her blog. Oh my gosh, look at this, i found it!! Click here! I love this group. I've sent a few e-cards and i've continued to leave post-it notes on peoples cars which gives me a special warm fuzzy hoping that it'll brighten someone's day. But i need to think of something creative to do, or find something i can do as a RAOK for someone in our group.