March 30, 2006
the heart will mend...

Thank you all for the kind words. It has really been sucky for me, but in a way I'm so glad it's over. It's so weird to feel this pain, and to go over it in my mind, wish it weren't true, but another side of me is so happy that my eyes have been opened and now I can deal with the truth of it. I am going to move on, I'm hurting still, but I only cried once today at work. That was when my coworker knew something was wrong and inquired about it. I told her I couldn't talk about it, too emotional but she was sweet. She sent me an email later asking how I was doing, that made me cry.

I'm going to take real good care of me. I'm doing a lot of knitting, I'm so thankful to have good friends to talk to about it, and this weekend I'm going to go have a massage with my friend. We both need it. The B & B was so sweet, they didn't even charge me for canceling this weekend, the massage therapist was totally sweet, and the restaurant where I was making special arrangements was so cool too.

I have a lot of exciting things happening. My mom and I are both going to become notary publics and have a side business as a mobile notary, doing loan docs, etc. in the evenings and I'm going to school in a couple weeks to get licensed as an insurance agent in the State. I have to go to prep classes for 1 week and a half Saturday and then take the state test whenever I get that arranged. I feel good that my employer is investing the time and money in me after working there a little over a month. And I'll have potential to make more money and I'm enjoying my work. I'm thankful for what I have.

March 29, 2006
Junior is a punk!

Yes, that is right. Junior is a punk. He is not who he wanted to be, what i wanted him to be, what people hoped he would be. And the person who told me last month to "Lose the Boyfriend" well, you were so right.... As of today, it is OVER! My heart hurts, but i know i'll get over it. Will my family after letting him in? My Dad liked him, they all liked him, but he's a very sad man and not who he said he was and I will never have anything to do with him again. The weekend is blown. I thought i might still go with a friend, but probably not and i could care less at this point.

I know that I will survive this and I know that God has good things in store for me. But we are over for good. And I'm glad. But I wish i didn't have so many brandy and sprites, but who cares cuz i'm staying home tomorrow to care for my father because the big fad head who needs to lose at least 30 lbs. has abandandoned us, and mom is going to call in sick thursday. And friday we'll figure out, but i'm not going away for the weekend i was so excited about. He's an idiot, that's all i have to say. He had a good and true woman and he f*()_d that up. I'm not here anymore. I am done, done, done. Here me.......DONE!!!!!

March 26, 2006

A collage of my dear Mamacita! Tomorrow is her Birthday! Happy Birthday Mom!!! She deserves to have the best Birthday ever. This has been a very challenging time for her, starting with my move last October in which she flew out and helped me pack that whole damn house, drove across country with me, was newly unemployed and not sure how to handle that, and then the holidays, getting use to me being home and then my Dad getting sick and dealing with my handicapped brother as well . And not once does she complain about anything. She's always been our rock. Solid, there to lend an ear, a hand to hold. And on top of the support she's always there to give, she's funny. She has a great sense of humor. She can find humor in almost any situation. She can say one word or look at me a certain way and make me practically pee my pants. I thank God every day for giving me a Mom like her. I'm very fortunate. I have a hard time understanding when some people don't get along with their mothers, but then I realize that I am just very fortunate and I'm grateful.

She's one of those people who others gravitate toward. If you meet her, for some reason after you talk to her for about 5 minutes, you WILL tell her intimate and personal information. It's happened, and right in front of me. I don't know how she does it, but I known I'm getting more like her.

She's a very special lady. We tried to celebrate tonight with my brother home and my Dad home. My hunnie brought Chinese Food for all of us and we got a 4 layer chocolate cake. It was a nice evening, but Dad started not feeling well and we had to call the paramedics again because he wasn't able to breathe. He was kept in the hospital tonight so it's a bit of a bummer, but I think she enjoyed her day. We (my bro and I) got her what she wanted, a Caphalon cooking pan, and I gave her a rain check for this limited edition Mac powder compact she wants and Dad gave her a lovely pair of earrings (that I picked out for him). If my finances allow and I'm able to get a delivery tomorrow I think I'm going to send her some flowers.

So happy birthday Mamacita! Love you sooooo much!!!!

March 19, 2006
Too much going on...

Dad is home from the hospital, which I'm happy about. :) We have a hospital bed set up in the garden room with his TV and comforts of home. He's doing well, Mom and I have learned how to use nebulizers and inhalers and empty pee bags and help him with his walker...oh it's been fun. But he's doing well and that's what's important. He's rather grumpy though. He's been a little snappish with my brother and my mom, I think it's because his blood pressure is high.

I got a sore throat Friday a.m. and yesterday I was fairly miserable. Been taking oscillococcinum and echinacea, acidophilus, vitamin C and garlic oil. And then to top it off, Tylenol cold/flu daytime and nighttime. I woke up feeling pretty good, but the sore throat and body aches have returned. I'm taking it easy today.

I'm preparing for a weekend away with my hunnie at the end of the month. We're going to celebrate his 6 year anniversary of being sober. I'm very proud of him. We're going to go to a little town in the San Diego area and go Wine Tasting! Sounds funny to do that for his sobriety anniversary, but he thinks it's funny and it makes me happy so he doesn't care. He likes the outdoors and getting away, I'm going to find us some good walking trails hopefully and we're just going to relax and enjoy the weekend. I'm getting off work Friday half day and then we're off! I can't wait.

And my dear Mamacita is having a birthday in the coming weeks, so we may celebrate next weekend for that. I've ordered her gift, she wanted a Calphalon pan. I said, you want something practical? She said, well ya, that's what she'd like, so she'll get that and then I'll get her something fun too.

Going to go rest for awhile and get some knitting on the Adamas shawl, which I'm determined to finish so I can start on my black cardigan.

March 14, 2006
Yarn Porn :)

Here's some yarn porn for you... The black with red and yellow, that is the yarn that my parents got me for my birthday and I'm going to make this. The one with the pastel colors, that is my gift from my hunnie and I haven't figured exactly what I'm going to make, but I have a lot of lace yarn to work with. The 2 skeins between the mauve and pink is actually a mossy green and pretty. I'm thinking of making this gorgeous lace wrap from the book Wrap Style. I tried to see if I could get a picture, but cannot find one now. Funny how happy yarn can make you. I'm really wanting to start that cardigan but do I dare? I have a mohair ruffle scarf on the needles and a lace wrap shawl. But I'm just itching to start that cardigan now. :)

My Dad has been in and out of the hospital, he just got out of ICU today and is being transferred tomorrow and having a cardiac catheter procedure done tomorrow. It's been crazy around here and so that explains my lack of posting. If anyone is interested in my Dad's health updates you can go to And prayers are most appreciated.

March 12, 2006
Sucky weekend...

It's been a fairly sucky weekend, Dad came home from the Convalescent hospital Sat. around noon only to get sick again and we had to call 911 and he was in the hospital overnight again. He is home now and we're hopefully he'll continue to improve. If you want to see his update it is at

My back has been bad almost all weekend. I had to take pain pills Sat. after getting up. I think it was because of picking up my brother and getting him in and out of the van.

The only good part of the weekend was Mom made bread pudding with Bourbon sauce, at my request for my birthday and it was beautiful and yummy! And Junior has totally been there for me and my family thru this whole thing with Dad and it just means so much to me. He came over when Dad had to go to the hospital, just in case I had to go down there because my brother was already in bed. And he's staying tonight to stay with Dad tomorrow and Tuesday. And going to take him to his Dr. appointment on Wednesday. With mom and I both at our new jobs, it's so comforting to know he's here. Oh, another good thing! I got a Bag O'Yarn from Knitpicks! 9 skeins of really beautiful yarn, pics to follow. I'm too tired tonight.

My brother has an update a new question on his blog if anyone is interested.

March 8, 2006
The birthday continues!...

I came back from lunch today and I had a beautiful bouquet of yellow tulips on my desk and then my boss came out and said, "Happy Belated Birthday!" she said they didn't know, but the tulips were for me, and that after V came back from lunch, we were going to have cake and ice cream!! It was really sweet and thoughtful and made me feel like part of the group. Here's a pic that V took with her camera phone.

Dad is scheduled to come home this Saturday!! He's doing better, he's walking on his own, without the walker as of yesterday. We're all excited to have him home. Jr. is going to come and stay here for Monday and Tuesday to make sure Dad is OK, Jr. is home during the day and Mamacita and I are both working, so we feel so good knowing someone will be here to make sure he's ok.

March 7, 2006
It was a good day!

I have had a lovely birthday, I had a couple nice e-cards from Katie and Tori and a nice wish from Lacy. My Mamacita woke me up singing Happy Birthday and made me get up to open my presents. My brother gave me some really cool earrings, my parents gave me a really pretty Markasite ring, bracelet, turquoise sandals, a Knit It! magazine and this book Wrap Style. My mom also let me get the pattern and yarn to make this cardigan from Knitpicks. And Junior spoiled me and let me order yarn from Knitpicks too! I'm so happy to receive all this yarn.

My friend Julie and my cousin Cindy called and sang me happy birthday, that was cool!

And here we are at dinner tonight! Junior took me to the North Woods Inn Restaurant and we had a wonderful dinner, I had crab legs and he had the shrimp and they sang Happy Birthday to me and we shared a Blackberry Sundae. It was really fun! He also gave me my favorite See's candy, the Victoria toffee and he burned me a CD of Love songs!

Thanks all of you for the birthday wishes! It was a great day!

March 5, 2006
Mohair Potato Chip Ruffle Scarf

Here is my dear sweet Mamacita modeling for you the Mohair Potato Chip Ruffle Scarf that I made from the stash yarn I received from Knit, Daisy, Knit! Isn't she pretty? My mom and the scarf! I hope you can see the detail. Jackie sent me 2 skeins of the pink and one of the red and I knit this scarf with the outside edge in red and it really made the project and colors pop I think. I'm giving this scarf to my best friend for her birthday. (Julie, don't read this... ;) ) I hope she likes it. And I have enough yarn to make another one and I'm considering making one with red and the outside edge pink? What do you think? Or should I just make another one in this color pattern?

We went to see my Dad is the Convalescent Center yesterday and he was doing pretty good, he says he's feeling better every day. It's been a little stressful getting everything done, trying to take stress off my poor mom and dealing with my brother. Yesterday on the way home he was driving both of us CRAZY! If you want to see Dad's health update you can go to .

Junior is coming over in a bit, Mom is gone visiting my Dad, I'm going to make Goulash for dinner and then Junior is going to help me get Gary back to his care facility. My back has been nagging me all weekend.

My Dad's dog Rufus is either missing Dad or he's sick. He hasn't eaten in 2 days. He seems better today but still not eating. Poor guy. I'm going to make him some boiled rice and hamburger in a bit and see if he'll eat it.

My birthday is this Tuesday....I wasn't sure I'd mention it but whatever. Birthday's have always been kind of a big deal in our house, but with Dad sick, it's not so big a deal. And I kid and say I don't have birthday's anymore, I have Anniversaries of my 21st birthday. So on the 7th I'll only be 20! Woo hoo! 20 was a pretty good year for me. But would I go back there? Nah, I don't think so. Junior is taking me to dinner and we may celebrate with mom and dad hopefully if he's home next weekend. Mom wants me to get some yarn so I'm getting the pattern and yarn for this. Isn't it pretty? I'm going to get it in Coal, which looks black or almost black, instead of the medium gray and I'm getting an extra skein of the Coal because I want to make it a little longer, maybe 2-3 inches longer. What a fun and exciting project that will be. It's been awhile since I've done a big project like that. I can't wait.