I had been in CA since Tuesday and no call from the ex. He knew i was moving, he asked me aboaut six times when i'd be here and then no call. He had called while I was packing 3 times in one day but never told me where to call. Not so unusual, his life is kind of a mess right now. So last night i got in bed and then i heard my phone ringer in the bathroom where the phone was charging...oh shit...i'm pretty sure who that is. And it was...hey, where have you been, gosh i needed to hear your voice...same ol, same ol... But then we got to talking and i have this huge ugly soft spot for this man. Actually, there's still a part of me who loves him. I've realized that. But i also know that i don't want him in this condition and i told him as much. He needs to get and stay sober. He'd be so wonderful if he would. But he's not ready. I can hear it in his voice and basically he'll agree that the drink is a problem, but that he isn't quitting. OK. We talked about a lot of things, but we ended by praying. I asked if we could pray, he said yes, he said a small prayer himself, which i know was hard for him to do, he's not used to it, so i give him credit, and then he says, now you...so i prayed for him and for me and for us, i prayed that he'd realize that God loves him and that he can get sober because the Lord doesn't give us anything we can't handle. We said our Amen, I love you, I love you too, and hung up. He is so very sweet and tender sometimes and it breaks my heart to think of him in so much pain, but i know i can't fix it. He lets me get to that side of him, he wants me to be there. We had intimacy in many ways while together, and we have a sort of intimacy in how we relate to eachother now.
3 Comments:
Glad your here in CA, made it safe and are well! You are so strong with your ex. I'm glad, you obviously care so much for him and that would cloud other peoples judgement. It's wonderful of you that you've found a way to be in his life and are realistic about how it has to be. Take care, Tori
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. This sounds like a step in the right direction for him. I think you have made a good decision to stay strong and make sure he fu,ly recovers before you consider a future relationship with him. Stick to your guns and keep praying for him.
Thank you for your encouragement and understanding. It's a difficult situation and i want to do what is best for me, but for us in the long run too. Yes, you are right Stacie, keep praying. He is such a wonderful man under other conditions.
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