Adamas and Dad

February 1, 2006

Adamas and Dad

Here are pics of the Adamas Shawl, the first pic I was trying to show the bulk of it, but it should be rotated 90 degrees. The other two pics I'm trying to show you the detail of the lace pattern. I am enjoying knitting this very much.

I had a bad evening last night. Felt anxious and depressed, I ended up going to bed at around 8:30. My xdbf has been calling me again, guess he did not make it to rehab after all. I told him again - do not call me until you are in recovery, until after rehab..... so he calls me anyway. So I have not returned or answered any calls. And then last night around 11:30, Junior calls. I was really out of it, he wanted to talk about us, why can't we be "friends", I remember saying, why are you calling me so late?...and I hung up. I'm just a big meanie I guess, but I don't care. I really don't. Both of them do nothing for me, for my health and well-being and I'm not going to let them bring me down.

And now I'm really worried about my Dad. He is just aging and deteriorating before my eyes. He had a stroke young in life about 13 years ago and he's ok from that although it did change him. But in the last week he's gone down hill and fast. His voice has been bothering him for awhile, always feeling like he has to clear his throat, his voice sounds different, scratchy, he's tired a lot, been taking more naps. He went to the dr. yesterday about his throat (to an ear,nose, throat specialist) and he does have an "abnormality" on a vocal cord. So he has to go have a cat scan when insurance approves it. But since Monday he seems off balance, he doesn't want to eat. He can hardly eat anything. He seems to just lay there. Mom figured out today he isn't taking his medication regularly, so she'll have to monitor that now too. His bp is up because of it, mom's too I am sure. I'm really worried that he wants to sleep so much and has lost his appetite. So if any of you are prayer people, please say one for my dear dad, Denis.