May 28, 2006

I've debated back and forth to myself, when should I get back on the computer and blogging and all of that. There is a part of me that is not ready to deal with the real world yet, but I have a yearning to go on and live my life. So let me just say that I think my Father would want me to go on, I think it would make him happy that we remembered him fondly, but went on and lived a happy life and so even though my heart is still hurting and the tears are coming again now as I write this....I've decided to go on and be happy. We make a decision sometimes in life in how we want to live, I know that I have. I've gotten caught up in my depression in the past and although I have a situational depression, I'm choosing to be happy, to make my Father proud. So first of all, I have to say a big and heartfelt thank you to all of you who read this, all of you who left me a word of encouragement, thank you for the prayers and kind words and thoughts. My cyber friends, that would be you :), mean the world to me. We have somehow connected and I'm thankful to each of you. Thank you isn't near enough to expressing how grateful I am for your kindness.

Let me just say that I never knew I'd miss my Dad like this... It's surprising that it hurts so much. I'll miss what Dad said almost every time I saw him "Hi, Baby Doll". He wasn't the most demonstrative man with his emotions, but when he said something I knew he meant it and I always new he loved me. He called me his princess, he made me feel special and beautiful.

This last week has been difficult, but Mom and me went back to work and that was good for us. I had a pap appt. tuesday and I had a hard day. I was emotional, I had to wait over an hour to see the Dr. and was pissed, then the nurse said my blood pressure was a little high and it came up about Dad and then I kind of lost it and started crying. Then I had to go pee in a cup, bawling my eyes out, then the Dr. came in, I couldn't stop crying...but they were nice and I got through it, got to work at 1:30, then had a crying spell was a bad day. But the rest of the week was OK. It's odd how it hits me now and then. I'll think of something and then the tears come. Friday I took myself on a date (yes, pathetic), but not really, because we all need to treat ourselves well and in my effort to have some 'me' time, I decided to go to the movies after work. I took myself to dinner, went to see the Da Vinci code (soso...I'd give it 6 out of 10), went to Borders and bought 2 paperback books AND a magazine (guiltfree btw!) and then I even enjoyed a scoop of Ben and Jerry's Butter Pecan on the way home. While watching the credits (no, not all of them, that bores me to death, I thought that Dad would have liked that movie. He loved to go to the movies.

I can't pics to upload, I'll try later. I'm reading a great book called The I Hate To Date Club

It's a great quick read. It's quite touching and I admit I bought it because of the title, which is how i feel, but it's very enjoyable. I also got I was intrigued by the title, will check it out soon. Anybody else read this?

I've started a few different knitting projects but do not have the concentration to finish anything. So no new exciting knitting news.

But look at my ebay deal we got friday: I'm proud to say that I won this for a bid of $6.28!! Yes, that is right. This retails for $319.00 and even with shipping it was under a $100. I shopped petco, costco, petsmart, target, walmart...this was the best deal and look at it, Kiki/Tom seems to love it. He's not sure about it, sure that it's his to go and explore yet, but we really like it.


I'm sending you a hug...

Anonymous Paul said...

It's good your getting out and trying to get on with a normal life as hard as it is.

I think when I'm gone one day I don't want people sitting around greiving over me for weeks and months. I want them to have their life and be happy.

Remember them and celebrate them, but go on with your life. It's what I would want, and I bet what your dad would want too.

Best wishes from Florida :)

Anonymous Knit-n-Purl Zen said...

Hi Michele...I'm sending you my good thoughts too in a very difficult time. It is normal to have crying episodes when you least expect them...and it's good that you're going through the emotions you can get on with life at the other end. Please take care and I'm glad to see you again too - I'm sure it is hard to post. Hugs, Roxanne.

Anonymous Bron said...

It's good to see you back. :) It will continue to be hard, but living every day to it's fullest is the best way to honor your loved ones who have passed.

Wishing you all the best!

Blogger Tori said...

Hey Kiddo! Great to see you back. I can only imagine how proud your Dad (and Mom) are of you. You are such a neat Lady! Take care and Really Cool about the Cat Tree! LOVE EBay

Blogger me myself and i said...

Many peaceful prayers are coming your way. Give yourself time...

Blogger Mandy said...

It is good to have you back! Sending you big hugs!!

Blogger Stephanie said...

It's absolutely NOT pathetic to take yourself out. If you deserve wonderful things--and you do!--then you should have them. Sometimes taking ourselves on a date is a truly therapeutic and self-affirming thing to do. I had to learn to do that myself, and it made a huge difference in how I perceived myself. Love yourself, Michelle. You are so worth it. And it's what your dad would want!!

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